Management lessons from the animal kingdom

I had visited the Baiganpally national park recently and came back very impressed. It made me realise that animals are the real deal. We think we have it all sorted, but these fellows must be really laughing at us.

I don’t want to wax eloquent on management and its various styles. All I want to do is dispel the notion that we humans are god’s gift to the planet and no one else can teach us anything.

Panda

Be calm and composed all the time. Falling is inevitable. When the inevitable happens, just roll over to conserve energy, because frankly when you are that big, you will need all of it when you have to get up again. You will fall again, because that is how the world is. Like a Panda you must get up and be ready to roll again.

Cat

Appearances matter. Don’t try to look like a sloth in office. Be clean and neatly turned out like a cat. One of the reasons cat is respected is because of how neat it looks. The other reason of course is that it has attitude and doesn’t care a damn about what you think. You should also learn from a cat how to handle stupid people. A cat has to put of with a lot of stupidity because people around it act like imbeciles all the time, thinking that the cat appreciates it.

Dog

Loyalty is pointless. Be like a cat and get the same benefits. And stop pretending that a stupid bone is a great thing. Because the cat will keep getting the meat and you will be stuck with the bone forever.

Cow

There is no point being goody goody and useful to everyone. Being goody goody is not going to take you to the top of the food chain. You will be used and discarded.

Bear

If you want honey, grow a thick skin. If you are touchy, consider being a Yeti and disappearing in the Himalayas.

Lion

It is important to look big, important and menacing. Sometimes that is all that is needed to get others to do the dirty work for you.

Gorilla

If you lack the poise and majesty of a lion, but possess a similar size and aggression, your next best bet is acting like a gorilla and doing some chest thumping. While this will not fetch you food, it will scare people away and you can lord over the territory.

Zebra

Differentiation matters! The only thing that is keeping zebras from being domesticated into human service is stripes! It makes them look wild and untameable. If you believe your colleagues are treating you like a doormat, consider making some cosmetic changes, like wearing a zebra striped jacket to work.

Hippopotamus

If you are not a team player, behaving like an antelope is not going to help you. Be territorial and aggressive like a Hippo to fend off over-social colleagues

Squirrel

If you plan on being a social media leadership guru, consider being like a squirrel. They keep popping up from nowhere and are only a few genes away from rats whom you consider dumb. It is the fancy striped coat and the ability to be anthropomorphic which makes the squirrel more desirable. Hence if you want to be a social media leadership guru, get some nice clothes and learn interesting postures.

Cuckoo

A cute voice takes you far. Even if you keep cooing the same stuff every morning. Lesson – if you are cute, consider posting highly insightful and original statements like “Employees don’t deserve to be treated like animals”. Stardom is guaranteed, consulting assignments may come your way.

Apes who are not monkeys

Stereotyping is inevitable. Sometimes no matter what you are, people will still think you are a just another monkey. Move on.

Buffalo

Avoid all the pitfalls of being a cow. Additionally, since you look like a moron, don’t expect even the occasional fake love.

Guine Pig

Don’t be one. Period.

Posted

April 27, 2022

Biased Opinion, World

Mysterious Admin

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