After I won entrepreneur of the month award, Mangoville State Bank offered me a loan to start a restaurant, even when I didn’t ask for one. They said “take it, we don’t even open accounts for anyone until they perform 108 surya namaskars in front of us and here we are at your doorstep with a loan approval“. I was humbled, but more importantly, relieved. A team of 5 serious looking people standing in my shop looked like a raid by the municipality. After handing me over the cheque, they did raid my shop though and left with a carton of coke, 5 kilos of Jaldiram Aloo Bhujiya, 3 kilos of frozen chicken nuggets and random items at the checkout counter.
I decided to call Mishra ji for advice.
Mishra ji, some people came and dumped a loan cheque on me. Should I be worried?
When Lakshmi herself comes walking to your doorstep, you do not refuse it.
Mishra ji, Lakshmi hasn’t come for a week. I am only sweeping my shop all the time. Tell me about the loan. Should I accept it? What if the restaurant doesn’t do well and I can’t repay it? Will they take me away and feed me to Monty the Whale?
It is possible that they will. An Instagrammer posted a selfie with Monty recently. He seems to have lost weight.
Who? Monty?
No, the Instagrammer. He lost his left arm and right leg to Monty.
Stop fooling around Mishra chetta. What should I do with this cheque. I have no interest in opening a restaurant.
It looks like a scam. I think those people came to your shop simply to loot all that food. Deposit the cheque. Most likely it will be dishonoured. Then you can sleep peacefully.
As you can see, the cheque was honoured, and I had no choice but to open the restaurant. After emotional blackmail by Rickshaw Rowdy, I had to even offer 20% off for him and his friends. The restaurant is not doing too bad, but I am getting customers who are giving me lot of stress.
These kinds of customers are still ok. But what do I do with customers who want complementary onion all time time? Last week onions were Rupees 250 per kilo. Some mean customers still kept asking for free onion. Where is the humanity?
Onion prices did come down, but there was no respite from fussy customers. I got tired of answering questions, so I hired a very patient waiter from Rajasthan. These guys are known for their incredible hospitality.
I will take fussy customers over non-paying customers any day. Mishra ji thinks the restaurant belongs to his brother-in-law and he can pay whenever he wants, which is never. I can understand why Handyman Harry wants to swindle him.
After I brought Carlos to the scene, Mishra ji paid up quickly. He cannot stand reptiles. But my money troubles are not over. The bank called me and said my interest payments are due and I need to start paying 20% interest. This is extortionate. If I was willing to pay this much, I would have taken the loan from Superpower Swamy instead. When I told them that 20% isn’t mentioned anywhere, they told me to read the fine print on the reverse of the loan agreement.
I tried to act too smart and showed them the agreement. Now they are asking for 30% interest. I am paying so much interest that I am unable to pay salary to Carlos, who is now threatening to drown me in the swamp. I had no option but to appeal to Supreme Leader for help, but he has refused, saying that tax payers money will not be used to rescue failed entrepreneurs. He has instead negotiated a deal with Mojo Mahalingam where Mojo will buy the restaurant for One Rupee. In return Carlos will stop threatening me.
