My earlier posts on the perfect ‘Paani Puri’ and perfect ‘Samosa’ gathered 12 billion likes. Of these, Norwegians and Jamaicans accounted for 3 billion likes. Truly humbled by the support and flattered that such a diverse set of people appreciate paani puri. Mysterious Admin is hell bent on convincing me that there must be something wrong with the counter, but I think he is just jealous. My post has forced the Supreme Leader to legislate about how samosas and paani puris should be produced, served and consumed. Hopefully the budget session of parliament will pass the bill and bring an end to mediocrity.
Inspired by the radical change that I have been able to bring to society, I now present to you the 10 point guide to a perfect Rasgulla. Bengali citizens of Mangoville will dislike me for not calling it Roshogulla and will want to chuck me into the Hooghly river from Howrah Bridge, but their pronunciation has more alphabets and I don’t like to type. So a request to all Bengalis to keep calm and eat Mustard sauce.
The Rasgulla should be about 1.8 inches in diameter (plus/minus 2 nano centimetres tolerance is allowed). Marble sized rasgullas are eaten by those with marbles in their head.
Color: Rasgulla should be Off-white in colour. (detergent white suggests it contains…. detergent). In case you are unable to identify off white from detergent white, you have serious vision problems, in which case not getting the best Rasgulla should be least of your worries
Rasgulla should not be spherical. It should be rather flat at the poles like the earth. A perfect sphere means it is hard, has absorbed unnecessarily thick syrup which helps it hold its shape and is machine produced. Reject immediately
Shallow, inconsistent cracks should be visible throughout the surface of the Rasgulla to a naked eye from normal viewing distance. Normal viewing distance is defined as the maximum distance between the eye and the outstretched arm. However, examining the Rasgulla in this position for too long will cause syrup to drip on to the floor and may affect your relationship with your spouse. Exercise extreme caution.
On squeezing with normal force, it should lose no more and no less than 30% of its weight through syrup discharge. If it loses more, it is too airy and if less, it is too dense, made by amateurs. Normal force is defined as the force required to contract the rasgulla to a mouth friendly size. Even if your mouth is as big as that of Freddie Mercury you need to carry this out as a quality check.
On withdrawal of the squeezing force, the Rasgulla should attain 80% of its original diameter. If it attains 100%, it is made of polystyrene. If you want to eat polystyrene, open your loft, retrieve the empty TV box and eat the white substance you call Thermocol
The syrup should have a viscosity of 0.05 Pascal-Seconds at 30 degree Celcius ambient temperature. Higher viscosity implies that the seller is trying to mask the sub standard nature of Rasgulla with a sugar overdose that is intended to numb your taste buds
Keep spoons and other metal objects away. Eat rasgulla with bare hands. Traces of syrup oozing out of your mouth after the implosion is a sign of well eaten rasgulla. Remember to respect your food. Don’t eat it as if you are chewing Rajnigandha and trying to hide it from your boss.
Rasgullas are afraid of the dark. Always eat 2 or more so that they have reassuring company. HAPPY EATING!!!
