Supreme Leader is after my life. He wants to know how we can leverage Artificial Intelligence to create a better policing experience for citizens . I don’t know what he means by that. Using so many complicated words in a sentence when I am just B.A. pass. People don’t want to experience police. They want to stay away from it. Police is like problem. The less it is in life, the better. He also asked me to ‘collaborate’ with Handyman Harry and use his hi-tech skills to solve real world problems. There are so many problems with this statement itself. First, in police language only gangsters ‘collaborate’. With corrupt policemen. Like Nefarious Narry collaborates with Inspector Jolly Reddy. Second, Harry is most useless and has no hi-tech skills. Third, what does he mean by ‘real world’ problems? Is he suggesting that the police is operating in the virtual world? Anyway, I asked Harry to come up with some ideas. He was saying we will do a ‘virtual’ meeting but I told him to shut up and come to the police station. If anyone uses the world ‘virtual’ again, they will spend the night in a real lockup.
Harry, you were throwing too much attitude on the phone. Although you have no skills, only because Supreme Leader recommended your name, I have called you here.
Murugan anna, you are too backward. Since Covid everyone is doing video meetings. Even if everyone is sitting in the same office, they are doing video meetings with each other.
This is not office. This is police station. Should I catch criminals also through video meeting?
Anna, in all Bollywood movies, the police inspector meets his collaborators in a bar. And even pays for the drinks and chicken lollypop. Why don’t we go to a bar? I will give you good ideas when my brain is stimulated.
Shut up. This is real life. And I don’t have time to waste in a bar. In one week I have to tell Supreme Leader how I will use Superficial Intelligence to catch more crooks.
It is called ‘Artificial’ Intelligence, anna. Superficial Intelligence is what you have currently. He does not trust it very much so he wants to bypass it and use computer’s brain.
You think you are very smart? Give me ideas. If I like them, I will take you to the bar. I will buy chicken lollypop, you can buy the drinks.
Ok anna, the first thing you can do is install facial recognition devices at important places. This way you can identify if any wanted thug is out on the streets having a good time. You can alert cops nearest to the culprit and nab them. You can also use it locate missing persons.
Excellent idea. You are smarter than you look Harry. But we have already tried that at Milk Board junction. We kept catching the wrong person.
It is an evolving technology. Who was your vendor?
Superpower Swamy.
No questions. My second idea is ‘Predictive Policing’. You can predict which people are likely to commit criminal acts, what type and where. You can stop criminals before they act!
I don’t believe it. As if arresting wrong people was not enough, now we have to accuse them of ‘planning’ to commit something. Everyone will be suing the police! I will be spending more time in court than in police station.
Murugan anna, if we want progress, some collateral damage will happen. And this brings me to the third application – Robotic policemen. You can blame everything on the machines who go to arrest such people.
Yes, yes, tell me more about it. I will send them to catch the tough thugs who beat me up last time. Is this robot very strong?
You can make it as strong as you want. One robot will be able to pound 25 thugs. They don’t get tired, don’t ask for food, don’t take bribes. Public will also be very happy.
Harry, your ideas sound more like Extra-Judicial Interference than Artificial Intelligence. Human rights activist will roast me alive.
You can arrest all the human rights activist first as a preventive measure.
The privacy activists will hang me upside down from the electric pole
Show some spine anna, you are on the verge of something great! How much funding have you got from the Supreme Leader?
Anna, what happens if we spend the money and don’t do any work?
It is ok anna, I will work on the apps. But at least buy me beer and chicken lollypop from the allocated budget.
I have already spent that on beer and chicken lollypop for myself.
I cannot work for free!
Who said you have to work for free. We serve excellent food in the lockup!
You cannot do this. You are a conscientious man. I know it!
I don’t even know what that means. But I have placed a Windows 95 desktop in the lockup with dial up internet. All the best.