Ever since I helped Macho Murugan rescue Baby Malini, I have been flooded with congratulatory messages. And marriage proposals. This is what our resident Five Rupee Troll had to say:
Oye Sooji, I am your biggest fan. I am liking dashing women like you who kick ass of Rowdies. You are definitely my type. I am also your type. Tough and macho. After next promotion I am becoming Ten Rupee Troll and Team Leader. Then we can make long distance relationship.
– Five Rupee Troll
How flattering. However my joy is short lived. There are very few cases in Baiganpally that require investigation and unless I stumble upon something new and exciting I will be treated as a ‘one hit wonder’ and soon be forgotten. Handyman Harry says that I should create a freelancer profile in no-work.com and bid for snooping projects. Hmm.
I am proud of my profile. But Harry says he is confused about my services. He thinks it looks like the profile of a kidnapper rather than a detective. Doesn’t matter. I think intelligent people will understand. In any case I am sure that there are more people looking to kidnap than to rescue. So maybe I can play it both ways. Let kidnappers contact me, share their contact info, then I will decline and wait for them to kidnap someone anyway. As soon as the kidnapping happens, I will send the info to Macho Murugan to nab the culprit. But how will I make money doing all this? Bad idea.
Let me call Mishra ji. Although he is a miser, he is quite experienced in worldly matters and may give me good ideas.
Mishra ji has a point. Why should I sound desperate like a loser? If I don’t respect myself, no one will. A little bit of attitude goes a long way. Snip snip time. My resume needs major rework.
Handyman Harry thinks this too is a non-starter. The profile does not say anything about what I do and only throws attitude. I am getting tired of all this criticism. Let me call Supreme Leader and hear what he has to say about the whole affair.
Hmm, authority and compassion. I think he means that I should demonstrate the tough exterior of Inspector Macho Murugan but feel like Mother Teresa from inside. Got it.
That wasn’t so difficult was it? For a change I am not going to get Harry’s opinion on it. He can only criticise. If he was so good at making profiles he wouldn’t be struggling to find stable work himself. Let me email this to Inspector Murugan and find out what he has to say. After all I will have to collaborate with him from time to time.
I knew Murugan anna is not going to be of much help. But keeping in touch with him is important. Just to flatter him I will try to implement his suggestions.
Hmm. To be honest, I think after all those complicated profiles, this one looks so much better. No beating about the bush, no pleading, no aggressive selling. I think this incorporates everyone’s suggestions. Inspector Murugan may not be very intelligent, but even a broken clock shows correct time twice a day. I am going to post this on no-work.com immediately. Good times ahead!
Oye Sooji, I am utmost happiness to announce I am promotion to Ten Rupee Troll and Troll Team Leader. Now I am making good husband. Please marry me. But remote relationship only. No can disclose location for security reasons.
–FiveTen Rupee Troll
He he he. I see that Baiganpally has a new sleuth. Let me make you an offer you can’t refuse. My son
– Don Sunny CorleoneFiveTen Rupee Troll is a disgrace to the Corleone family. If you marry him and keep him in the basement, I will let you run your own crime family.
This profile making business is backfiring big time. I need to delete it immediately and go incognito for some time. When Don Sunny Corleone makes an offer that you can’t refuse, then you have to not-refuse it. Otherwise he will decapitate your favourite horse and throw its head on your bed while you are sleeping. But wait, I don’t even have a horse. What a relief. No, he will buy a pet horse for me, then decapitate it and throw its head in my bed while I am sleeping. Oh god what do I do? Let me call Murugan Anna again.
Murgan anna is a life saver. Once I am free from the threat of Don Sunny Corleone, I will do free detective work for him for some time. Let me pack my bags, mobile phone and charger for the lock up. After all why should only Don Sunny Corleone be able to enjoy mobile inside the lock up.
Those rasgullas weren’t very nice, but bad rasgullas are better than horse’s head being thrown on your bed while you are sleeping. Don Sunny Corleone has promised to leave me alone. He has also taken pity on me and said that he will try to find work for me. Something about snooping on his son, who he believes is stupid and is unwittingly leaking vital information about gang activities on Reddit. It is an offer I can’t refuse.